Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
