Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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