hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
