I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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