i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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