We're facebook friends in real life
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
