lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
