My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
