she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
