she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
