Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
