i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
