So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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