well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
