Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
