It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want to be your penis for a week.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
