How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
