I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
