And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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