i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
