I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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