Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize