i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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