Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
