Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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