I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
