Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
