Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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