i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize