took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
