I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
