im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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