I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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