i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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