Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
