'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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