just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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