Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
