I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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