I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
