I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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