Im at strip club and am horny
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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