Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
