Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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