I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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