So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize