I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
