i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
