would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
