Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
