I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
