everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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