and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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