When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
