So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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