Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
