come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
