i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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