I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
