Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
