I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
