Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
