I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
