oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
