dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
