I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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