yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
