I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
