lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
