I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
