Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
