she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
