I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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