I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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