Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
