In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
