Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
