I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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