i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
