i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
