I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
