yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
