Please, let me fuck your mom
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
