hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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