sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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