Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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