GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
