While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
