a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
